sitting here thinking back
on the better days, the days gone past
before the change, the way things were
when everything was new and pure
when life was free and filled with hope
when everything was explained in full
those days are near forgotten
the ache of today replaces them
what about tomorrow?
will I have reached the goal?
or died forgotten,
with nothing to show?

"don't get your hopes up son,
there are no guarantees in life but one
that eventually you'll die.
that's a guarantee you cannot escape from."

so i'm sitting here - all alone
it's always worse when no one's home
why should I continue on
if death is the only final outcome?
to pursue some mythical success
that some have been fooled to think exists?
only to meet frustration and die
still they go on trying and trying and...
I refuse to live that lie
but then what is there but to die?
I knew I require some change
but every day comes up the same...fruitless

failure - so many say
I slow them down i'm in the way
spineless - got me convinced they've reached security
weakling - got me pegged
as if alone they've reached success
hopeless - all I am, the difference between

this world betrays
this world, it feasts upon me

failure - far too weak
can't even stand on your own two feet
spineless - you could never make it in this world of ours
weakling - they scream at me
inside your self is the strength you need
hopeless - the strong survive the weak are devoured

failure - I feel defeat

but I see now they're hiding something
spineless - draw my attention far away from hope
weakling - away from God, away from love
shake their fists at him above
hopeless - could it be? he shakes the world the lie they hold

my loneliness is evidence of my failure
to stay would mean to pursue some goal
which has eluded me so far
they say I need no one else, only myself
unfortunately that way of life leaves me nothing but hell